Look what I found in Mummy's draw!

When I was 18 I used to look after a little boy on Saturdays.  He was a strange little thing who didn't receive a great deal of attention.  It was unfortunate really.  The poor thing looked forward to every Saturday when he would have my undivided attention.

As soon as I arrived on a Saturday to look after him and his Mum had gone to work, he wanted to play his favourite game.  It was a simple game.  All I had to do was chase him around the house.

Like most little boys, he was excitable and prone to misjudging things in his way, falling over, running too fast, tripping.. the usual!  Most of all he loved to run around his Mum's room so he could bounce across the double bed.

One ill-fated morning he was doing just this when I heard a huge crash.  I ran in to find he had bounced off the bed and landed against the chest of draws, knocking off the front of one of the draws... Shit! I thought.   How am I going to explain this?  His Mum was not a fan of the "run around the house" game and would not be best pleased that he had been jumping and running around her bedroom.. let alone broken the draw.  I had a closer look at the broken draw.  Luckily it looked fairly simple to fix, if I could get my Dad round.  Phew.

Whilst my detailed inspection of the damage had been going on, the young man in my charge had been running around like a headless chicken behind me.  I started to tune in to what he was yelling.  Thinking back (and this was a while ago now) I believe he was yelling something along the lines of "What is this?  It's very waggy!  It's wobbly!!! Maybe it's a sword!  I'm going to play with it..."  Intrigued, I turned around to see what on earth he had found that was so interesting.  And I froze.

IT WAS A FUCKING MASSIVE COCK.

A HUGE GREAT FUCKSTICK.

A VEIN COVERED DILDO OF OUTRAGEOUS PROPORTIONS.

And he was waggling it in my face.

And it had an odour...

I honestly did not know what to say.  He started brandishing it at me whilst shouting "en guard".
I had to ask..

"Where did you get that?"

"It fell out of Mummy's draw".

"Have you ever seen if before?" I asked (hmmm... I don't know why.  I suppose I was wondering if he knew it would be in there).

"No!" he says.  "What is it?" he asks.

How do you answer this? I really didn't have a clue.  I believe my response was something along the lines of "I'm not sure.  I think we should put it back in the draw though!".

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He shouts.  "Chase me! Chase me!".  And off he ran...

It took me 25 minutes before I managed to catch the little sod and convince him we had to get this "thing" back in the draw.  Of course, he wasn't willing.. He threw the blasted thing on the floor and told me to put it in there.  I wrapped the disgusting item in a towel and shoved it back in there..

I realised of course that it was even more important that I get this draw fixed before the boy's mother arrived home.  There was no way I wanted to tell her the draw that held her huge (no doubt used) dildo in was broken.  I got my Dad on the phone and got him over to fix the draw pronto.  I prayed he wouldn't see it whilst working on fixing it.  Luckily my father is pretty oblivious.

I got away with it.. but not without emotional scars.  When I think of it now, it is connected in my mind with this scene from American Pie 2.  Chances are you might now it.  The house chase was rather like this, just rated U.  Well.. apart from the addition of a dildo..

I wonder if that little boy ever asked his mother if he could play with her big waggy sword sometime?  I don't think I'll ever know..thankfully!